A Look Back and a Glimpse Forward
January 2, 2013 § 15 Comments
My dearest friends,
The new year is here and so am I although it hasn’t felt like it the last few weeks. The goals that I had set for myself to accomplish by the end of the year have not been met. I can say that it wasn’t for lack of trying or motivation.
I’ve written before about the curve balls life throws at us. Well, I had some peace for a week or so and then another curve ball hurdled right at me. In fact, it knocked me on my ass.
When someone close to us dies, the loss forces us to reevaluate our lives and truly see what is important. The loss in my life made my goals seem insignificant and more like daydreams than anything realistic. Caring for family, comforting pain, grieving, and just making it through the holidays became much more important than my writing commitment and goals. I even stopped reading the blogs that I follow and admire. Turning on the computer was too much of a burden and when I attempted to read for any length of time I became so distracted that I forgot what it was that I was reading.
This specific loss has been bittersweet because it followed a long illness and a rapid decline. Watching someone die of dementia is heartbreaking. The actual death becomes a blessing because the waiting and the suffering have ended. Weary loved ones breathe a sigh of relief that the soul is now in a better place.
Still, we grieve. There is an empty space in the room that we didn’t have before. There is a silence when the singing has stopped.
This loss also follows the unexpected death of another loved one a year and a half ago. Our holidays will, from now on, have two empty spaces. Two empty chairs. Two voices we don’t hear. Two Andrews have now moved on from this world to another, one at the beginning of his life and the other at the very end. One the namesake of the other. Both together for eternity.
What does that mean for me, my writing, and this blog? Well, it means that I pick up the pieces and start again where I left off. It means that I set new goals with new timelines and try, try again. It means that I take my writing to another level. I make it count for something.
I have learned how strong I really am. I plan on tackling my writing goals with passion and dedication. I owe it to myself and those who have believed in me to do my best.
I feel like I have apologized quite a bit lately. I’m sorry for not posting consistently. I’m sorry for not reading and commenting on other blogs the way I would like. I’m sorry for not formatting Saving Angels the way I need to in order to publish on Smashwords. I’m sorry for not finishing Unethical the way I had planned even though I’ve made progress on it. I’m sorry for ………… well, a lot.
In the midst of all that apologizing I’m also very grateful. I’m grateful for family, friends, and things happening in strange, serendipitous ways that I can’t explain but that ultimately prove to be for the best. Things seem to be falling into place and I have no choice but to have faith that things will work out the way they are supposed to. I’m grateful for new opportunities and possibilities.
I’m thankful for your patience, understanding and encouragement through all of my curve balls.
As life returns to some kind of normal I want you all to know that I will continue to write and post and read and comment and like and just be present with you. I will reach my goals and take you on that journey with me. I have some exciting things planned for my WordPress site over the next few months that I think you will enjoy as they develop.
It’s time that I close up my laptop for the evening and get some much needed rest. Adieu. I’ll write again soon.